Do you crave a sense of balance in your life or wish you had the time to focus on your own needs and wants? Are you a parent who is juggling working and homeschooling children? Are you in a relationship where you’re spending more time at home with your partner now and feel like you could use some time to yourself? Does the approach of the holidays feel more stressful than blissful this year? We get it! There’s a lot going on. You are swimming in a sea of expectations and demands, and it is hard to say no or “I can’t commit to that,” especially to someone you care about or in a work setting where there could be unpleasant consequences. Learning to set healthy boundaries can actually create more space for you and increase intimacy in your relationships.
The truth is, there are also consequences to not protecting space for yourself or being honest about your limitations too, like draining your mental health and potentially harming your relationships. These could be more detrimental in the long run than the discomfort of not meeting someone else’s expectations in the here and now.
So how do you move forward? By learning to create and maintain healthy boundaries.
Imagine, for just a minute, what it might feel like for you to have a sense of balance and time to focus on your own needs in the midst of all that is going on in your world. How might it change the way you show up in the important roles and relationships in your life? (If you’re hesitant to do this out of fear that this is not achievable or because you don’t know what it will look like, we understand. Imagining is the first step to creating, so if you can commit to simply imagining the feeling of space for yourself, that’s all you’ll need to get started to create this important space for yourself.) Now that the feeling of having space to breathe for a minute is top of mind, let’s talk about setting healthy boundaries to protect and expand it in your life and the benefits that come from doing so.
First, it’s important to talk about what personal boundaries are. Boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that you can create.
They help to identify for yourself and others what types of communication, behavior, and interactions are reasonable, safe, and acceptable for you and how you will respond when someone steps outside of those limits.
Why create them? Creating healthy boundaries for yourself can offer many benefits like improving your relationships and self-esteem, helping you conserve emotional energy, allowing space for you to grow and be vulnerable, and giving you more independence and agency in your life. It’s important to know that boundaries can be flexible and do not need to be permanent. It’s good to think about them from time to time and re-evaluate. 
What do healthy boundaries look like?
Boundaries are a deeply personal choice that vary from person to person. They are shaped throughout your life. A lack of boundaries is like leaving the door to your home unlocked: anyone, including unwelcome guests, can enter at any time. On the other hand, when boundaries are too rigid or inflexible, you run the risk of isolating yourself and avoiding closeness altogether. So, the goal is to find something in the middle that is unique to you and your needs. Here are a few guidelines for how to go about defining healthy boundaries for yourself:
- Ask “what are my rights?” You have the right to say no without feeling guilty, be treated with dignity and respect, make your needs as important as others, accept your mistakes and failures, and choose not to meet others’ unreasonable expectations of you. There may be family, social, or cultural norms that make you question if you have one or more of these rights, but these rights are basic human rights and are true for you at all times no matter what others suggest.
- Follow your gut. Your instincts can help you figure out when someone is crossing a boundary or where you might need to draw one. Tune into your body: heart racing, sweating, tightness in your chest, clenched fists or jaw, or a lump in your throat can all indicate what you can handle comfortably and where to draw the line.
- Let your morals and values guide you. Think about 3-5 values that are important to you, maybe it’s respecting privacy or allowing everyone an equal chance to speak, and how often you feel those values are ignored or disrespected. That will help you determine if you have strong boundaries or might need to strengthen them a bit.
Once you’ve defined your boundaries, you can set them like a pro using these helpful techniques:
- Communicate your boundaries assertively using “I” statements. Remember, you deserve to have your personal boundaries respected and communicating them to others in a firm but kind manner is totally appropriate. The “I” statement approach is key, because your boundaries are about you asking for what you need, and sharing your thoughts and feelings, rather than blaming or criticizing others behavior. For example, “I feel overwhelmed when I walk in the door from work and am expected to immediately jump into household chores. What I need is a little bit of time to unwind from work and transition back into family roles.”
- Say “no” when you need to. It can be highly uncomfortable to say “no” without justifying it with a reason, but “no” is in fact a complete sentence in itself. You do not need a reason for saying no, beyond that it is what is best for you. The trick to this tip is to deal with the discomfort of saying “no” without a reason, that is often the hardest part. Consider practicing and getting support from safe friends or family members who will encourage you building this skill.
- Let others know what the consequences to disrespecting your boundaries are and follow through. Adding this piece to the example from #1 would look like, “ If it’s not possible for me to have the time and space I need when I arrive home from work, I’ll plan to spend some time alone to unwind outside of the house after leaving work.”
Healthy boundaries can help you regain a sense of balance in your life, improve your relationships and self-esteem, and improve your overall emotional well-being.
While boundaries seem like they might keep you separate from others, they can actually help you achieve closer, safer, more satisfying relationships while preserving your sense of self and emotional energy. Your instincts are they key to defining and setting boundaries. They can help you help you determine where to draw boundary lines, that boundaries are a personal choice and deserve respect, that boundaries are best set assertively, and that sometimes life experiences or the people you’re in relationship with can make defining and setting boundaries challenging and further support might be needed.
We’re here for you! If you want support defining and setting boundaries in your life so that you can protect your emotional and physical well-being and move toward living your best life, we invite you to reach out to set up an appointment today.
Ready to Start Therapy to Help You Set Healthy Boundaries in Florida?
Beginning the journey to your best self is easier than most of the things we’re all doing right now! Trauma therapy does not have to wait. You can get the mental health support you need with a skilled therapist in St. Pete or with online therapy in Florida. To begin, just follow these simple steps:
- Contact us to request an appointment
- Meet with one of our experienced therapists.
- Get support & begin your journey toward mental wellness & connection today!
Other Mental Health and Wellness Services at ME-Therapy
At ME-Therapy, we believe in the importance of mental, emotional & physical wellbeing. Our therapists want to help your mind but also want to feed your soul. This means we take a holistic approach to mental health. In order to do this, we offer a wide range of mental health services in our St. Petersburg office and online including therapy for women, therapy for men, trauma therapy, therapy for anxiety, art therapy, and holistic, spiritual therapy. For couples and relationships, we want you to know that our relationship therapists are here for you ALL. In addition to marriage counseling, we provide sex therapy, affair recovery counseling, and poly-friendly kink aware therapy.
