Do you ever feel uncertain about what you really want in life? With so many things that influence our decisions, it can feel confusing to try sorting it out. You might feel tired of going through the motions in your daily life. Things aren’t bad in your world, but it feels like something is missing. You want to experience more joy and authenticity in your daily life, but you aren’t sure how. In this two part series, first, you will learn ways to know what you really want in life. In the second part, you will learn how to know what you really want in relationships.
When you’re trying to figure out what you really want in life, it can be helpful to start by naming what you don’t want.
For example, think of any situation where you felt or still feel dissatisfied. What comes to mind? Your list may sound something like this. I don’t want to work somewhere that makes me feel stagnant and unable to grow my talents. I don’t want to be so busy that I can’t pursue my hobbies. I don’t want to feel unhealthy as my body ages. Based on these examples, you could infer what you do want. I want to keep growing professionally. I want to feel healthy as my body ages. I want the ability to spend time pursuing my hobbies. Often, the things that make us feel stressed or unhappy can give us clues about what makes us feel the opposite.
This advice does come with a word of caution. Be careful of getting fixated on what you don’t want. Whenever you become focused on avoiding certain situations, fear can become your primary motivator. Taking this approach is the difference between running away and running towards.
Running towards what you desire feels joyful. You are excited for what lies ahead.
When you are running away from what you don’t want, usually you feel afraid. This can be due to painful past experiences. You’ve been hurt a certain way before and you’re trying to avoid the same thing happening again. It’s very easy to lean into fear, but leaning into joy takes more practice.
After you have reflected on what you don’t want, you can begin to write a list of what you do want. These are the things you want to joyfully run towards.
As you write about what you really want in life, be aware of any hesitations within yourself. 
Notice your thoughts and emotions. Do you feel like it’s wrong to want the things you want? Do you feel like your desires are too unrealistic? Were there things you left out because you don’t feel like you could ever have them? Maybe there are some things that feel too difficult to write down because you have painful emotions associated with them.
Creating a space where you can acknowledge your feelings without judgment can help you discover what you really want in life.
You can do this by welcoming your emotions to reveal themselves as they are. It’s ok if you’re feeling fear, uncertainty, or grief related to your desires. Let these feelings come forward. Sit with them by staying present with your breath as they arise, slowly breathing in and out. Let them reveal the places in you that need to be healed and comforted. As you mindfully hold space for them, they can help you get in touch with your most authentic self. They can also make you aware of things that are no longer true to the person you’ve become.
As a child, perhaps you were given strong messages from authority figures regarding who they expected you to be.
It’s easy to confuse the expectations of others or society with the desires you have for yourself. Maybe you were expected from a young age to eventually pursue a specific career. Maybe you were told that you had to behave and dress a certain way based on the body you were born with. It could be that you were expected to get perfect grades in school. Consequently, your life doesn’t feel authentic to who you really are inside. These are just a few examples of the countless expectations you may or may not have experienced from others while you were growing up.
Releasing yourself from both the judgment of others and yourself can help you know what you really want in life.
Maybe you were told you weren’t talented enough, strong enough, or smart enough to pursue your dreams. As a result, you became afraid of failure and chose to do something else that felt safer. Even though your choices helped you feel more secure, there’s probably still some small part of you that wonders, what if? The difficult thing about labels is that they imply stability. It’s not, you WILL be such and such. It’s, you ARE such and such. Implying a trait or characteristic as stable doesn’t leave much room for change. However, the beautiful thing about being human is that we are constantly changing and growing. You’re likely to be very different from who you were in the past. By releasing yourself from the labels, you can recognize your own capacity for change and personal fulfillment, as you reach towards your desires.
Naming your core values can also help you know what you really want in life.
Our values are what drive us and motivate our decisions over both the long term and the short term. They’re our enduring beliefs and guiding principles that give our lives meaning. Each person has a unique set of values, but without turning inward, it’s not always obvious what they are. Renowned psychologist and researcher Brene’ Brown discusses this more on her podcast, Unlocking Us . Listeners can follow along with the Living Into Our Values exercise or simply use the exercise handout by itself. Once you have completed the exercise, you will have a greater understanding of your core values.
Knowing what you really want in life takes introspection, healing, rigorous self honesty, and being mindfully present. It’s a non-linear journey and a lifelong process of getting to know yourself on a deeper level. Sometimes, you may feel like you need more support as you try finding your way.
When you aren’t sure what you really want in life, connecting with the right therapist can be transformative.
Together you can discover which patterns are keeping you stuck and how you change these patterns for the better. The work you do will involve reflecting on how your past has shaped your present. You will be engaged in conversations on how you can live a life true to the person you are or want to be. Your therapist can help you, as you navigate your journey towards wholeness and authenticity.
Ready to connect with a caring therapist?
Beginning the journey to your best self is easier than most of the things we’re all doing right now! Therapy does not have to wait. You can get the mental health support you need with a skilled therapist in St. Pete or with online therapy in Florida. To begin, just follow these simple steps:
- Contact us to request an appointment
- Meet with one of our experienced therapists.
- Get support & begin your journey toward mental wellness & connection today!
Other Mental Health and Wellness Services at ME-Therapy
At ME-Therapy, we believe in the importance of mental, emotional & physical wellbeing. Our therapists want to help your mind but also want to feed your soul. This means we take a holistic approach to mental health. In order to do this, we offer a wide range of mental health services in our St. Petersburg office and online including therapy for women, therapy for men, trauma therapy, and holistic, spiritual therapy. For couples and relationships, we want you to know that our relationship therapists are here for you ALL. In addition to marriage counseling, we provide sex therapy, affair recovery counseling, and poly-friendly kink-aware therapy.
