Some people absolutely love the holidays, but what happens when the holidays aren’t exactly the most wonderful time of the year for you? If you find yourself being one of the many people that trudge through the holiday season, perhaps setting some boundaries can help relieve some of the heaviness.
First off, you don’t HAVE to love the holidays. It is ok to feel however you feel about them.
Contrary to the way society portrays this time of year, it doesn’t necessarily bring “joy to the world.” For some, it, unfortunately, brings various feelings like sadness, grief, anxiety, financial stress, or loneliness. You may be struggling with the loss of family in your life, or you may not have physical access to them. Maybe you were recently let go at work and are worrying how to afford gift-giving, or are finding it difficult to overcome travel anxiety in order to attend parties.
However you experience the holidays is OK, no matter how you feel you’re “supposed to.”
One major boundary to consider during this time of year is to rethink your obligations to family. It can sometimes feel like being with family and/or friends is a MUST for the holidays, but is it really? While having the desire or ability to surround yourself with others on a holiday could be a huge perk or privilege, it isn’t welcomed or even accessible for others.
If you don’t want to spend time with family on a holiday, it’s ok.
Although you might’ve been brought up to feel that the holiday season and family go hand in hand, it isn’t necessarily needed to enjoy yourself, celebrate the occasion, or feel good. Setting boundaries for yourself on who you choose to be around can be crucial to maintaining your emotional wellbeing, and can do wonders for your “Christmas spirit.” If being around your family feels more draining than fulfilling, maybe opting to spend time with your friends, children, significant other, or others, or even solo is a better fit for you.
Is spending some time with family actually unavoidable?
In this case, setting a time limit for yourself regarding when you plan to leave can be a great way to decrease the chances of feeling overwhelmed or stressed by time spent with loved ones. By setting a time limit on how long you’ll be present at a gathering, you can decrease some of your stress and feel more in control. Remember, no amount of time is too little, so be mindful of how much time feels most comfortable to you and stick to it.
Don’t just show up, be present.
You might often find yourself acting differently around family than you usually do, which may be due to the fact that we are interacting with them in ways we used to as a child. Remember to show up as your present self. And, stay genuine to the person you are and the feelings you have now. Don’t be afraid to say “no” if needed, even to family, it can be one of the most powerful boundaries we set.
Do you dread that endless line of hello and goodbye kisses and hugs? You can set boundaries around your physical being.
We’ve all heard it, “I’m a hugger!” But what if you aren’t? Finding yourself uncomfortable with all the physical closeness is not uncommon, and it’s OK to make this gently known to others. If you prefer to not be touched by others, setting physical boundaries can help to maintain feelings of safety, avoid potential triggers of anxiety or discomfort, and make gatherings in general a little more comfortable for you.
Setting boundaries and expectations for gifts.
The holidays can be a huge financial strain for many. Why does it sometimes feel impossible to stick to a realistic budget when it comes to gifting? There’s no rule that dictates how much we should spend on gifts for others, unless it has been decided on beforehand. If you find yourself being stretched thin when it comes to spending for the holidays, try your best to be upfront with your friends or loved ones about your needs when it comes to budget.
Were you asked to be in the Secret Santa at work?
Were you asked to be in the Secret Santa at work?Awesome! This can be a really great way to bond with coworkers and add some fun to the workplace. However, if this isn’t your thing, IT’S OK TO OPT-OUT. Work can be a great place to meet friends and enjoy time out of the house. And if you prefer to keep the workplace as a strictly professional setting (or just don’t want to/can’t join in on the gift exchange), that’s completely understandable.
The biggest gift you could give yourself is the freedom to be genuine and honest with your needs.
Boundary setting is a great way to do this. By explicitly letting others know what you’re comfortable or uncomfortable with, or how you feel about certain things, you might begin to notice how much freer and calmer you feel. Holiday time can be one of the most beautiful and most overwhelming seasons of the year. If you need help setting yourself up for success by creating boundaries, give us a call. We are here to help.
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