Relationship Therapy: Keep Your Relationship Healthy

I was thinking the other day that relationships can be a lot like cars. They can take you to new and unexpected places, to places you need to go, and they often require maintenance to keep them from breaking down. That is because relationships are, in many ways, a living thing of their own. They grow and go through developmental changes just as individuals do. Relationship therapy can be a helpful tool for couples seeking preventative “maintenance” as well as repair for relationship breakdowns on the journey to creating a lasting, fulfilling connection with their partner. 

As individuals, we learn how to take care of ourselves and function as a member of our family and society as we grow up. 

We learn these things from our family, peers, society, the teachings of faith traditions (if applicable), and other relationships. There are awkward phases (hello, adolescence) and inevitable challenges because growing and changing is hard. It’s the same for relationships. 

Remember when you first became a couple?

You formed a relationship by transitioning from functioning in the world as two individuals to functioning as a couple. This phase, sometimes dubbed the honeymoon phase, can be really blissful and give you important “feel good” feelings that can serve your getting through future growing pains. As you become a more solidified unit, you will likely find yourself renegotiating expectations with your family. Like, will you spend every holiday with them or will you alternate between your family and your partner’s? If you choose to have children, you will face changes again as you make space for a new person in your family unit and find ways to balance your new role as parents with other needs in your lives.

Relationship therapy can be a great supportive environment to help you through these growing pains.

Changes are natural and necessary for growth and well-being. They are also sources of stress because they require you to let go of expectations, familiar ways of being, learn new skills, and in some cases let go of pieces of your identity (i.e. as a single person) that are changing. None of that is easy. Navigating change as a couple has the added challenge of negotiating each person’s different expectations, learned values and ways of functioning in the process. 

This negotiation process has the potential to strain or strengthen your relationship. For some couples, individual differences become a dividing force. 

The couple, unable to accept differences or allow themselves or their partner to change, grow apart from one another. For others, individual differences serve as a catalyst for individual and relationship growth. The couple is able to accept differences, work to understand them, and allow themselves to grow as individuals so that their relationship can remain a healthy space for both partners.

A couple’s ability to accept differences, and grow in relationship, is directly influenced by what each individual learned about differences growing up.

Some people have grown up learning to believe that difference is a threat to their being who they are. In relationships they may try to control others as a means of keeping themselves protected from such threatening differences or shut down emotionally when conflict arises. Even individuals who learned to view differences as a positive source of growth can still have difficulty navigating them in relationships. 

If you are struggling to accept or navigate through you and your partner’s differences and want that to change, here is a dose of good news. 

Recognizing that this area needs growth or healing is the first step to moving forward. When you are willing to try new things you have the ability to grow and adapt. Further, committing to this process with your partner can alleviate tension and conflict, and also deepen your connection. Relationship therapy can be a great place to explore differences and gain the tools necessary to better navigate differences between you and your partner. This can help you and your partner more effectively navigate the inevitable changes of your relationship as you navigate life together and deepen your connection in the process.

Not only is relationship therapy a great place to address difficulties in navigating life together, it can also be a great place for maintaining your relationship and preventing future breakdowns.

Regular “tune-ups” can help you and your partner identify patterns in your relationship and help you each take preventative action to prevent trouble spots on the road of life ahead. 

Change is a natural part of life. It can be challenging to navigate as an individual. It can be even more complicated to navigate in a relationship. You are now trying to balance the needs of more than one person in the process. What you learned about change and navigating differences as a child will impact how you navigate these with your partner. They may cause extra stress if you are learning to navigate differences as you navigate change simultaneously. 

Relationship therapy can be a great source of support!

It can help you and your partner prepare for and navigate through differences and stressful life changes. 

While seeking support during times of change can be especially beneficial, regular relationship maintenance with the support of a relationship or couple therapist can help you successfully maintain a sense of well-being and deep connection with your partner through the natural ups and downs of life. 

If you are looking for a relationship therapist in St. Petersburg, I invite you to contact us to schedule an appointment. We believe in the power of love and connection in relationships of all shapes and sizes. 

By Amanda McGovern