Have you ever found yourself in an argument with your partner and suddenly become overwhelmed with emotion and unsure of where the emotions are even coming from? Or maybe you’ve found yourself feeling disconnected or distant from a friend and feeling a confusingly overwhelming fear that they’re angry with you? Sometimes you may have emotions or reactions to people and situations that don’t make much sense to you, and you may find yourself curious as to why. Oftentimes the answer is… your inner child.
You may be reading this and thinking “inner child?
That’s a bit too ‘woo-woo’ for me,” but please bear with me. We all have defining moments from our childhood, whether monumental or fleeting, and these events tend to stick with us whether we realize it or not. The event could be as harsh as the last explosive fight between your parents before they divorced, or as subtle as an invalidating “suck it up” comment from an adult when you were upset. However large or small, they happened. And our inner child remembers.
So how can you start getting to know your inner child?
Become curious. In those times mentioned earlier where you’re wondering where intense or seemingly unfitting emotions are coming from, give it some space to just be. Give the emotions permission to non-judgmentally exist. Simply feel them. Be with them. While the emotions may feel unnecessary or unwarranted, you may find that they are also somehow vaguely familiar. Through reflection of past experiences, there’s a chance you might realize that the feelings and responses aren’t as random as you initially believed. They are your inner child responding, as a child, to your current adult situation.
“Your past is your greatest asset.”
A little piece of wisdom recently shared by a client (shout out to you!), and it just OOZES with accuracy. Though potentially painful, exploring your past can help to unlock forgotten or overlooked experiences that helped shape how you currently move through, react to, and perceive life. Understanding how you were taught or shown to react to various stimuli will help you gain clarity into ways you’re actually using your inner child’s methods of coping to your present-day stressors.
What could that look like?
Imagine you’re in an argument with your partner and they’ve decided to take some space to cool down. While this is a very common and healthy way to recenter and ground during times of stress, you may react to your partner’s action by becoming fearful or anxious. Even if your partner hasn’t made any negative or threatening comments, you may have an underlying and somewhat “irrational fear” that they’re going to break up with you. Where is this coming from?
Your inner child might be the one actually thinking these thoughts.
Through some introspection and processing, you remember “when I was 7 and mom and dad had that huge blowout, they ended up telling me they were going to get a divorce a few days later.” Through this experience, you were intrinsically taught that ‘when people argue, the relationship ends.” So whether your now-adult brain feels this way or not, younger you is silently pleading “please don’t leave!”
So how do you help your inner child heal?
You give them space to feel and help them feel heard. When we ask ourselves things like “why am I feeling this way? I shouldn’t, it doesn’t make any sense”, it can further invalidate your inner child and their emotional reaction. Remember, they’re still experiencing life through that impactful moment at age 7. Instead of pushing our younger self away, this is your opportunity to re-parent them and help them see how to respond in a more helpful way. Support them by internally saying “I hear you and I understand what you’re feeling, and we’re safe, I’ll take care of you, and we will be ok.”
How being more in tune with your emotions can help.
Being aware of what emotions are connected with your younger self can help you more quickly realize when you’re feeling or responding according to how they are experiencing situations or how your present self is. This can avoid confusion, allow for quicker use of helpful coping skills, and decrease the chances that your emotions will get the best of you.
Our inner child is there for a reason.
They want to protect us from the pains of the past. Try to be mindful to treat them with care. With time, we can help them unlearn old ways of thinking, feel more secure, and trust us to take care of them in even the most stressful situations. They are our allies. If you feel you can use some help connecting to and learning more about them, we’re here to help you get acquainted.
Ready to Connect With Your Inner Child and Start Therapy in St. Pete?
Beginning the journey to your best self is easier than most of the things we’re all doing right now! Therapy does not have to wait. You can get the mental health support you need with a skilled therapist in St. Pete or with online therapy in Florida. To begin, just follow these simple steps:
- Contact us to request an appointment
- Meet with one of our experienced therapists.
- Get support & begin your journey toward mental wellness & connection today!
Other Mental Health and Wellness Services at ME-Therapy
At ME-Therapy, we believe in the importance of mental, emotional & physical wellbeing. Our therapists want to help your mind but also want to feed your soul. This means we take a holistic approach to mental health. In order to do this, we offer a wide range of mental health services in our St. Petersburg office and online including therapy for women, therapy for men, trauma therapy, and holistic, spiritual therapy. For couples and relationships, we want you to know that our relationship therapists are here for you ALL. In addition to marriage counseling, we provide sex therapy, affair recovery counseling, and poly-friendly kink-aware therapy.
