Do you ever wish you felt more clear on what you really want in life and in relationships? Maybe there are times when you feel stuck in repeating the same patterns over and over again. You tried things one way and it didn’t work. Then you tried changing some other things, but still you still don’t feel like you’re any closer to getting what you wanted. You might feel frustrated and ready to give up, but we’re here to tell you that there’s still hope. In the first part of this two part series, you learned how to know what you really want in life. In this second part, you will learn how to know what you really want in relationships.
Whether you are married, in a relationship, single, or dating it is important to know what you really want in your relationships.
Knowing what you want can help you take practical steps to attain it. For example, if you really want to have a closer emotional connection, you can start by defining what that means for you. For some people, they feel emotionally closer to their partner by sharing their inward experiences and confiding in them. For others, emotional closeness means shared interests or physical intimacy. By defining what your intentions are, in concrete terms, you can know exactly the kind of connection you’re looking for. From there, you can communicate these desires with your partner or a person you are interested in.
It’s very easy to assume that the relationship you want could never exist in real life.
This can cause you to label what you really want in your relationships as unrealistic. Maybe you’ve been told that you’re asking for too much or that your standards are too high. Perhaps you used to feel hopeful about your relationships at one point. But now you’re afraid you’ll never find someone who can meet your relationship needs.
If you feel this way, it’s helpful to remind yourself that there is no such thing as asking for too much.
There is only asking and receiving an answer. The answer is not a reflection of you. It’s a reflection of the other person’s willingness or ability to give what you’re asking for. This doesn’t mean they’re a bad person, it just means they’re not the right person for you. Asking and releasing the outcome takes courage. Still, it is better to ask for what you want and be told “no” than to keep things to yourself and never hear a “yes”.
Once you’ve given yourself permission to ask for what you really want in your relationships, writing a list can be beneficial.
Often, the conventional approach is to develop a list of deal breakers. These are non-negotiable standards that you require of someone in order to be in a relationship with them. Usually, they come with words like doesn’t or never. For example, someone might say, “I want a partner who doesn’t have bad hygiene”. Or “I want a partner who never forgets important dates”.
Instead of focusing on what you don’t want , it’s helpful to think about the things you do want in a partner.
As you learned in the previous blog, there is an important distinction between running away and running towards. Whenever you’re running towards what you really want in relationships, your heart is more open to experiencing joy and love. If you’re focused on running away from the relationship you don’t want, your heart becomes driven by fear. You might close yourself off in an attempt to feel safe, but this can make it harder to feel connected. It’s okay to feel scared and vulnerable. Often, this is part of the process when you’re forging new patterns in your life. It takes practice to lean into joy more than fear, but with enough repetition, it gets easier. This is why it’s useful to write a list of everything that would make you thrilled to be with someone. Allow yourself to feel the spark of giddiness! Bust out your journal and start jotting down whatever comes to mind!
As you begin writing your list, it’s useful to consider where you see yourself in the future. Contemplating your life’s direction can help you know what you really want in your relationships. If your dream is to travel the world, then your ideal partner is likely someone who enjoys traveling. At the very least, they would need to be comfortable with it if you’re absent for extended periods of time. You would also need to feel comfortable with it if your partner would rather stay behind. If your dream is to start a family of your own someday, then you’d probably be happiest with someone who is equally as family oriented and has similar desires. When you identify where you want to go, you can recognize who you want to go there with.
In addition to future goals, it’s beneficial to look for someone who shares your core values in life.
In part one of this blog series, you learned how you can identify your core values using Brene’ Brown’s Living Into Our Values Exercise. Feel free to review this resource again if needed. When you are with someone who shares your core values, it becomes easier to live your life authentically and in tune with who you truly are. You can feel at ease and understood, knowing that your partner shares your most important beliefs. Together you can live your lives with a shared sense of purpose.
We hope you found this blog helpful as you run after what you really want in your life and your relationships. You’re invited to reach out to us if you’d like to further explore this topic with one of our caring and experienced therapists. Through insightful conversations, you and your therapist can co-create a vision for the life and relationships that feel right for you.
Ready to connect with a therapist in St. Petersburg, FL?
Beginning the journey to your best self is easier than most of the things we’re all doing right now! Therapy does not have to wait. You can get the mental health support you need with a skilled therapist for relationships in St. Pete or with online therapy in Florida. To begin, just follow these simple steps:
- Contact us to request an appointment
- Meet with one of our experienced therapists.
- Get support & begin your journey toward mental wellness & connection today!
Other Mental Health and Wellness Services at ME-Therapy
At ME-Therapy, we believe in the importance of mental, emotional & physical wellbeing. Our therapists want to help your mind but also want to feed your soul. This means we take a holistic approach to mental health. In order to do this, we offer a wide range of mental health services in our St. Petersburg office and online including therapy for women, therapy for men, trauma therapy, and holistic, spiritual therapy. For couples and relationships, we want you to know that our relationship therapists are here for you ALL. In addition to marriage counseling, we provide sex therapy, affair recovery counseling, and poly-friendly kink-aware therapy.
