One of the amazing mysteries of being human is the ability to feel a variety of emotions at once. This is especially confusing when some of those emotions seem opposed – polarized in a magnetic dance. How do the bright bubbles of joy also mix with the sting of grief? Feeling hot bursts of anger and feeling awe at the surrounding landscape. Your mind and body are forced to hold the tension. However, there are times where joy bubbles seem far and few between. In those moments, gratitude can be a helpful guide.
A practice of gratitude does not mean that all other complicated feelings must exit the building.
The emphasis on only positive feelings can be known as “toxic positivity.” Toxic positivity often demands that only “good vibes” are welcome and any negative emotions or thoughts must be quickly denied or painted over with positive ones. This can foster invalidation and a sense of failure if you are not able to swiftly sweep out the negative emotions. The goal is never to be “stuck” in an emotion. Instead, you want to find a flow that allows for the waves to come and go. To bring non-judgment and curiosity to them. When wave after wave begins to feel relentless and full of sadness, anger, helplessness…gratitude can be a life raft while navigating the intensity.
Research shows that a gratitude practice can be associated with feelings of increased generosity and empathy, better sleep, strengthened relationships, increased optimism, less physical pain and more.
Seeking and marking moments that you feel grateful for helps connect you to the world and those around you. Connection can help you feel a sense of belonging and benevolence. Taking a moment daily to mark what you are grateful for cultivates mindfulness. You are planted in the present moment. A pause to reflect on what your day looked like. The world often demands our time, energy, and can keep us so busy we hardly know what happened at day’s end. 
So, how do you start a gratitude practice?
– Determine how and/or where you want to mark this practice. Do you want to jot it down in your journal? Or a separate notebook altogether? It can be as simple as a designated note on your phone so you have it available whenever you want. Maybe it is part of a spiritual practice or spoken prayer.
– Choosing to note a few things you are grateful for at bedtime can be a great way to reflect on the day. Others choose to start their day marking gratitude. There is no right or wrong way to do it – find what feels most accessible to you.
– If you find it challenging to identify anything, remember that you are starting something new. Identify one or two things and allow that to expand or recede naturally. Items can also be repeated! This doesn’t need to be a competition in how many items you can list.
– Start small – did you find yourself doing a double take at a white fluffy cloud? Did it make you smile or pause? What brings you awe and wonder? What small moment gave you pause throughout the day? Who brings a smile to your face when you think of them?
– Engage your body and think about your senses. How were they engaged throughout the day? Did you smell or taste something delightful? Was there a soothing sound, or perhaps you were singing along to your favorite song? Did you catch any sight that instilled beauty and awe? Was something pleasing to touch, like holding a warm cup of tea or perhaps the warm rays of sun on your face? Jack Kornfield, a psychologist, author, and teacher highlights the simplicity of gratitude, “We have the privilege of the lavender color at sunset, the taste of a tangerine in our mouth, and the almost unbearable beauty of life around us, along with its troubles.”
Life can be uncertain and bring consistent change.
You may feel swept up in the emotions that rush in. Many things are frustratingly out of your control, but the practice of gratitude can bring empowerment to what you choose to focus on throughout the day.
Welcoming all feelings, the disappointments crowded in next to the warmth of watching the sky change colors at sunset.
The frustration squeezed between boredom and the laughter from a quick call with a friend. Lisa Olivera reminds us, “Our life is meant to be lived more than it is meant to be figured out, contained, or solved.”
Gratitude can help us step away from the problem-solving for a moment to remember that we are alive.
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