By Bob Ryan, LMHC, ATR
Remember when you first started dating? When you couldn’t get enough of each other? And there never seemed to be enough hours in the day or days in the week to satisfy your desire to be with each other? Well, as your mother might have said, “Careful what you wish for.” Today’s Covid-19 Safer-At-Home recommendations can strain even the strongest relationships. Here we guide you through coping with COVID from a St. Petersburg couples therapist.
Now, you may not be married, or even in a relationship with your roommate, but they are still your main outlet for human contact. You wake up every morning and they are there, and often the only other person there. You are making a choice to stay in and that choice is not often an easy one. For couples you have also made the choice to be emotionally devoted to the relationship. This is YOUR PERSON in more ways than one. Living in this situation it doesn’t take much to start feeling like your partner is the cause of your discomfort.
I bet you’ve heard a story or known a couple that lived together for years, happily in love, then one day they decide to marry and within a year they are divorced. This common occurrence is a product of selected focus. Never before had the couple focused on committing to “live the rest of their lives together” they just knew they would. Our Safer-At-Home order is a bit like that. If you could go out and lunch with anybody anytime you wouldn’t be so focused on not being able to.
It is easy to see how the little things you each do start to get on each other’s nerves when what each of you is craving is something new. Our society is built around, “what more do you have to show me.” Not on the valuing of the tried and true.
There is salvation from the stay at home blues however and it all comes from within you and what you already know. You know how to be happy, to be content, even joyous. It takes a desire to want that in your life and move towards it. Often when you think of oppressive subjects your emotional state slides toward depression. This process is simply the opposite of that. When you focus on positive topics your mood swings to more positive feelings.
OK, so how does a couple put this into practice? Well first, actively think and talk about when times were WAY better, which for most of us, was when we were courting. You were on your best behavior, your mate to be was as well and who cared about the rest of the world? You only had eyes for each other. I see you smiling already. Talk those times over, relive them; build the desire to recapture some of those magical feelings. Talk about the desire to rebuild those feelings. The trick is deciding that you want to feel that happiness again and moving toward it to make it more real.
Yes, I know things are different in your relationship now, there is so much water under the bridge and so many slipups made along the way. But if you want happiness now is the time to let the water slip under the bridge and simply walk to the other bank together. There is a remarkable feeling of freedom and contentment when you simply say, “I accept you, and I hope you can see fit to accept me also.” You have the power to make peace and that peace creates space for joy.
These are some simple steps you can use to get through these tough times. Finding peace and acceptance for your mate, partner, or roommate; and focusing on the positive aspects of your life now and your lives past. The key to making these steps a reality is fostering a desire to have happiness and joy in your life. When you believe you want these qualities you will do the work to obtain them.
Ready to Start Individual Therapy in St. Petersburg, FL?
Beginning the journey to your best self is easier than most of the things we’re all doing right now! Therapy does not have to wait. You can get the mental health support you need with a skilled therapist in St. Pete or with online therapy in Florida. To begin, just follow these simple steps:
- Contact me to request an appointment
- Meet with me for your first appointment.
- Get support & begin your journey toward mental wellness & connection today!
