The world and culture around you expects a lot from you. Maybe you’ve spent a lot of your life learning how to show up as expected and earn the love of those around you. This way of being requires saying yes a lot, even when your real answer is a no. It is exhausting. It can also take you down a path of greater anxiety and confusion about who you really are and what is important to you. It can make it difficult to even make decisions. There is good news though. The more you learn about yourself, your values, and what is important to you, the more you can design a life that supports you and grows you rather than keeping you stuck in someone else’s vision of you. This can begin by learning how to start saying no when you mean it!
Many of you were likely taught to just go along with what was happening around you, not to rock the boat, not to make trouble, not to make the people around you upset. You weren’t given permission to say no, or taught how to do it. Now, it probably feels weird to try it. You are out of practice!
You can learn to start saying no when you mean it.
Let’s start with permission: You are allowed to say no and no is a complete sentence. It doesn’t require explanation. Try it now. Say no without explanation, without qualifiers.
How does saying no feel in your body?
For me it generally feels empowering. When I show up in alignment with my inner truth (saying no when I mean no) my entire body sings with it. I also know that there is a voice inside me that tells me I have done something wrong, that echoes the childhood message of “don’t rock the boat”. It is the voice of my survival mechanism…not rocking the boat equals survival when you grow up in a chaotic home.
Survival doesn’t equal thriving when you are an adult though. Learning how to start saying no when you mean it is a huge step toward thriving.
Knowing you are allowed to say no is step one. Practicing in small ways is also part of step one. You may be thinking that this is easier said than done and you are probably right. It isn’t easy to shake off childhood survival mechanisms. They worked. They helped you survive. Now though they keep you from being all that you can be. This is why I had you feel into your body what it was like to say no. The felt sense of empowerment, rightness, aliveness, will help you lean into your no when it is time. This is where practice comes into play. By saying no and sinking into the sense of empowerment you are creating new pathways in your brain to help you do it differently.
As you practice I invite you to really feel into what it is like inside of you to be aligned with your truth.
You can also use this practice to identify the felt sense of YES. You have this information inside of you. Not necessarily in your thinking brain but in your felt sense, how you feel inside. Think back to a time when you had an answer that was a resounding, emphatic, YES. Close your eyes and feel this yes in your body. What does it feel like? I know for me it usually feels grounding, and solid. I am connected to the Earth and can feel something like joy in my body. It feels like all of the parts of me are in tune. Like a tuned harp.
Practicing these two feelings, yes and no, will help you discern what your truth is in different situations. It may be hard to act differently at first and that is okay.
You can still acknowledge the different answers inside of you and allow yourself the space to work up to changing your action. Becoming familiar with the felt sense of yes and no is the foundation that will allow you to change your actions. It will serve you best to do this without judgement of your practice. Change will take as long as it needs to and that is okay. You have been saying yes when you mean no for a while. It will take time to shift.
It is important to acknowledge that some people around you who are used to you saying yes might bristle when you begin saying no instead.
This will be similar to growing pains, uncomfortable but necessary and the reward is less anxiety and more ease in your life which will trickle out to those around you.
Ready to Start Therapy To Help You Begin Saying NO When You Mean It in St. Petersburg?
Beginning the journey to your best self is easier than most of the things we’re all doing right now! Therapy does not have to wait. You can get the mental health support you need with a skilled therapist in St. Pete or with online therapy in Florida. To begin, just follow these simple steps:
- Contact us to request an appointment
- Meet with one of our experienced therapists.
- Get support & begin your journey toward mental wellness & connection today!
Other Mental Health and Wellness Services at ME-Therapy
At ME-Therapy, we believe in the importance of mental, emotional & physical wellbeing. Our therapists want to help your mind but also want to feed your soul. This means we take a holistic approach to mental health. In order to do this, we offer a wide range of mental health services in our St. Petersburg office and online including therapy for women, therapy for men, trauma therapy, and holistic, spiritual therapy. For couples and relationships, we want you to know that our relationship therapists are here for you ALL. In addition to marriage counseling, we provide sex therapy, affair recovery counseling, and poly-friendly kink-aware therapy.
