Do you feel like your relationship has become less exciting?
Maybe the spark of fascination has waned and you are struggling to feel the same level of giddiness and joy you did in the beginning. You might start to wonder if your feelings have changed? In this blog, I will discuss how cultivating curiosity in your relationship can help you prevent feelings of boredom and create a thriving connection with your partner.
The longer a relationship has existed, the harder it is to think of new questions for building connection with your partner. Things fall into a routine. You can feel as though there isn’t much you don’t already know about the other person. Thinking of new activities and ways to keep things interesting can be difficult.
This is where cultivating curiosity in your relationship can help.
The very definition of curiosity is “a strong desire to know or learn something”. In order to desire knowledge, we must first assume there is more to learn. No matter how long you have been with someone, there will still be something new you can learn about them. One of the easiest ways to learn is to ask questions.
Usually, when we think of questions to ask, it is easy to fall back on the tried and true methods. For example, you might ask your partner, “How was your day?’’, each evening when you are reconnecting after a long day at work. There is nothing wrong with this question. You are genuinely seeking out connection and you want to create a space for sharing. However, if you use the same question everyday, chances are you may not learn very much new about your partner.
Here are a few examples of questions that you and your partner can exchange with one another instead.
- “What was the highlight of your day?”
- “How are you feeling?”
- “What did you enjoy the least about your day?”
- “What made you giggle today?”
- “If you could relive today with one superpower, what would it be?”
- “If today was a film, what genre would it be?”
A great resource for more questions to share with your partner is A Year Of Us: One Question a Day to Spark Fun & Meaningful Conversations by Alicia Muñoz
You can practice curiosity in your relationship when you exchange questions about how you are feeling. 
In doing so, you are inviting one another to share about your emotional experiences. By mutually setting an intention of nonjudgement, you can co-create a safe space for sharing experiences with one another. When you feel listened to without the other person trying to change you, it lets you know you are being seen and loved as you are. It facilitates feelings of safety and closeness.
If you ask each other about a highlight or least favorite part of the day, you can discover what makes the other person tick.
Often, talking about your joys can make you aware of your dreams and passions in life. Conversely, talking about what frustrates you gives you examples of things you want to steer clear of. Discussing both of these things helps build vision for the life you and your partner want to create together. By becoming aware of what you both want, you can plan on ways to support each other, as you take practical steps toward your dreams.
The more whimsical questions about superpowers, laughter, and movie genres allow you both to think creatively about your experiences and bond over the novelty of your imaginations. These questions are meant to uncover one another’s wacky side. When you learn how to make each other laugh, you can be playful and lighthearted with each other.
Although questions are a great place to start, they are not the only way you can practice curiosity in your relationship.
Going through old photo albums together can be a fun way to learn new things about one another. Who knows? Maybe your partner went on a cross country bicycle trip and now you get to hear about the wild stories behind the pictures. Or it could be that you had a really embarrassing haircut at some point in your life? The number of conversations photos can inspire are endless.
You can also be curious by learning more about one another’s hobbies. Whenever those in a relationship learn about what their partner enjoys, this shows they are taking a genuine interest in their partner’s world. For example, maybe your partner’s favorite band is coming through town. Because you know who their favorite band is, you’ve been keeping an eye on the band’s tour schedule. When the tickets become available, you can buy them and surprise your partner. You don’t have to love the same music that they do or take up the same hobbies as them. What matters most is that you both are eager to learn about one another so you can grow closer and have a thriving partnership.
By asking questions, sharing about past experiences, and discovering one another’s hobbies, you and your partner can keep the spark in your relationship alive.
By asking questions, sharing about past experiences, and discovering one another’s hobbies, you and your partner can keep the spark in your relationship alive. Long term relationships don’t have to succumb to boredom. They can become more fulfilling over time, as you and your partner continue to practice curiosity in your relationship.
We hope you found these ideas helpful. If you would like to learn more about how you can experience greater fulfillment in your relationships, Me-Therapy is here to support you. Our practice values inclusivity for ALL individuals within our community. In addition to couples and relationships therapy, we also offer marriage counseling, sex therapy, affair recovery counseling, and poly-friendly kink-aware therapy. All of these services can be provided in-person at our St. Petersburg, FL counseling clinic.
To begin, just follow these simple steps:
- Contact Me-Therapy to request an appointment
- Meet with a couples therapist
- Begin your journey to a more fulfilled relationship today
