You sit at the table across from each other. Maybe one person is mindlessly scrolling on their phone and the other person is watching some show on Netflix. You are not talking nor connecting in any real way. Maybe you are still angry from the last argument you had about the dishes. Or maybe you are frustrated “he never cares about your feelings.” What you both DO know is you want to stop the fighting and go back to connecting more. Emotionally focused therapy (EFT) can help you begin to reconnect.
I am here to tell you the dishes aren’t the real issue!
While they may be the current “issue” at hand causing friction, ultimately, it is not about the small things. My passion is helping couples feel more connected. I am passionate about helping you talk about the root of what is going on – taking you beyond the dishes if you will. What if I told you most arguments have the same theme and root cause to them, no matter how they eventually manifest? Whether the “surface level” argument is over the dishes, the kids, sex, or money, you both have an underlying emotion and an attachment need that is longing to be met.
I use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with my couples to help them reconnect emotionally and “do something different” when they are communicating.
Emotionally Focused Therapy helps couples connect with the attachment need that is longing to be met. EFT can help you communicate the vulnerable emotion you really are experiencing deep down. It can even help your partner be able to hear it and receive it. 
Many times, when you are having the same argument, you may notice you are going in circles.
One person may be trying to avoid the conversation and starting to shut down, while the other person keeps going and wants to talk about it! Both make so much sense! While one of you desperately feels the need to “solve it now or it will be forgotten about”, the other person may think, “If we keep talking about this, it will end in disaster”.
My goal as a therapist for relationships is not to just give you “solutions or tools”. Rather, it is to help you both feel more heard.
You will learn about the emotions happening inside of your partner and why those specific emotions are present. Next you will shift the way you communicate via in-session practice. You are with me, at most, 75 minutes per week. We use this time to learn to do it differently so that you can put these new ways into practice from the moment you walk out of the therapy door.
Emotionally focused therapy does not offer a band-aid, but rather a concrete process to help clients fix the foundation of their relationship.
I love working with couples and one of my favorite things as a therapist is being able to see my couples move towards being more emotionally connected, starting to hold hands on the couch, moving closer together and actually looking at each other. It is so joyful to see them emotionally reconnect compared to the first session when they may be sitting on opposite sides of the couch with arms crossed. I love when I see someone express a deeper longing for their partner versus attacking the other person for what they are or are not doing. 
If you feel like you and your partner could benefit from couples therapy, I would be honored to meet you both, see where you both are emotionally while learning more about the love you have for each other, and helping you both to reconnect in feeling that love! By Jennifer Schaap, LMFT
Ready to Start Emotionally Focused Therapy St. Petersburg, FL?
Beginning the journey to your best self is easier than most of the things we’re all doing right now! Therapy does not have to wait. You can get the mental health support you need with a skilled therapist for relationships in St. Pete or with online therapy in Florida. To begin, just follow these simple steps:
- Contact us to request an appointment
- Meet with one of our experienced therapists.
- Get support & begin your journey toward mental wellness & connection today!
Other Mental Health and Wellness Services at ME-Therapy
At ME-Therapy, we believe in the importance of mental, emotional & physical wellbeing. Our therapists want to help your mind but also want to feed your soul. This means we take a holistic approach to mental health. In order to do this, we offer a wide range of mental health services in our St. Petersburg office and online including therapy for women, therapy for men, trauma therapy, and holistic, spiritual therapy. For couples and relationships, we want you to know that our relationship therapists are here for you ALL. In addition to marriage counseling, we provide sex therapy, affair recovery counseling, and poly-friendly kink-aware therapy.
